Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
