i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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