The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
