He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
