dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I understand Curling. That high.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
