Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
