Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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