so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
