If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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