dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
