dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
