Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
