it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
