I wannas sexs uuuuu
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
