Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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