in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
