I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Life is so much better after having sex.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
