shes about as inviting as chlamydia
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
