My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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