i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
