I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
