You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
