I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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