is your mom at the bar?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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