Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
