I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
