Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
