Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
