I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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