I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
