The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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