hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
