Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
