My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
