Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
