I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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