end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize