I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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