I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize