You can't motorboat a personality
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
