Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just pee around me
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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