he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
