I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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