Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
