I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
