went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
