Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
