Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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