My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
