You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
