oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize