In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
