There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I party with great urgency now.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
