Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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