Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
