she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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