you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
