I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
