Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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