Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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