i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize