no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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