Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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