my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
