So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
