I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize