Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Randomize
