like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
