I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
