I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
