So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize