Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
