If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
