You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
