I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
operation harelip BJ is a go
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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