The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
