We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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