Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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