got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
