I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
