I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
