So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
