Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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