gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
