I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I cockslap morals
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
