so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
