Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
