woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
