he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
