I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
