I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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