the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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